fly high in the sky;

Switch

Switching from one platform to another requires patience and courage. You need to be patient with the challenges that come towards you. You need to be brave to face all that unfamiliarity, weirdness, and simply out of your comfort zone.

How often do one switch? Switch phones, switch seats, switch partners and switch off perhaps?

It’s refreshing isn’t it to have something new? New phone, new laptop, new boyfriend/girlfriend and especially so when you just shut the world out and  *phew* NO EMAILS, NO CALLS, NO DEADLINES, NO SUPERVISORS BREATHING DOWN YOUR NECK. you are free. but hold on. YOU ARE NOT.

but you must know, you’ll have to be open minded and accept things when it happens differently. be brave, girl. if it comes to you, you should realise it will only help you grow.

if there is any point of time you wish you could turn back and feel all cradled with your soft blanket, snap out of it. you’ll be surprised at the wonders and gifts you encounter along the way. embrace.

if you wanna switch, remember to appreciate.

in 4 months, i’ll be halfway across the world. i’m excited to switch my life agenda but i’ll be drawing it out alone. i’m leaving all these familiarity behind. the bed, the food, the people, the environment, and the weather. but i’ll be brave.

i’ll come home a different person, better, insya’Allah.

The Year and Time

The year began with fireworks
The time I was timid and shy;
The year embraced with hopes and grand plans
The time unexpected to fly by.

Day to day I hoped to live
As a champion of unfaltering faith;
Day to day I had lived
With faltering faith from time to time.

Setbacks and downfalls came in turns
Pushing me to the cold hard ground
Setbacks and downfalls are nothing
Instead knowledge increased, a penny and pound.

The year’s grand plans weren’t mine
And Time had no plans on waiting
The year’s grand plans were God’s
The times I thank Him for teaching true living.

I haven’t truly lived
For I will continue to learn to love and live.

Secrets of Growing Up.

Dear you,

because my tumblr is not widely known by people in life, i feel more comfortable here. i’ve never written a direct post here on my tumblr full of cat photos, other pretty things and some quotes that inspire me. and since i’m not working tomorrow, i’ll take this time to type.

man, i’m so close to click the x button on the top right hand corner of this page.

i’m not a person who shares opinions.
i’m not a person who shares feelings.
i’m not a person who shares things that matter most.

i’m a keeper.
i keep everything that irks.
i keep everything that hurts.
physically or mentally, keep or hide.
i’m secretive in that manner.

i suppose i was brought up that way. to keep everything to myself cos you shouldn’t depend on others to listen to your problems as they have their own problems to care. if it hurts, keep it, deal with it on my own. and when i can’t solve it, i shut everything out because i don’t want to think about it.

i run away.
in fear.

i am always fearing. i fear i’ll never make it. then you can call me a coward. yes, i am. cowardly in so many ways. it abhors me to know i’m such. i don’t visit the doctor because doctors never have good news for you and i don’t want to know the bad news.

then you can also call me a pretender. i pretend like i dont care, i pretend that i’m happy, i pretend that i’m healthy, when i know i’m quite the opposite. but i grew up learning that it’s good for me, because i don’t have to think of my pains, and i carve a fairytale in my mind.

consequently, i don’t know how to console. i wish i could but i can’t seem to get the hang of it. when i was younger, if i cried, no one consoled me, hence i didn’t learn how to. heck, no one knew i cried. only afterwards. and when they question what’s wrong, i say: i’m fine. they don’t probe, so i don’t share. the cycle goes.

i wish i could change. i wish i could communicate better. but no, i’m trying to so hard but i keep on failing. am i not good enough? i’m never good enough in anything, for anyone. 

i scold people: where is your self esteem?! i portray like i believe in myself. some days i really do. most days, i’m never there.

because i keep everything to myself, only He knows everything in my head and my heart.

i know You can hear me. God, help.